Let's Wrap This Up Gracefully, Shall We?

I've relaunched my blog The Traveler Who Goes Nowhere, so please feel free to follow my random escapades over there (it's less personal and more interesting. I promise!).

Aaaaanyway, I graduated...10 days ago? Wow. I graduated from college ten days ago, so I figured I should post one last entry here before I abandon this blog and leave it to collect spam.

This is me on Graduation Day,  holding my hood. Huzzah!

I could sit here and reminisce about my freshman year days, but I think that's all out of my system now (psh, yeah right) so I'm just going to talk about graduation and life since. 

Graduation Day was cold and rainy, much like the cold, rainy day in March of 2009 (2008?) when I toured MC's campus for the first time. Now the campus looked lush and green and gray and black, as students donning their caps and gowns fluttered from the tent over the quad to Smith Auditorium to Draddy Gymnasium, which is where we had our ceremony. 

They sure do clean up nice for these things.

And I'm glad our ceremony was indoors, as I heard at least two other colleges that day had their ceremonies outdoors, one of which was tentless. 

Even though the event was slated for three hours, we made it out in 2.5, probably record timing. Even our keynote speaker said they had only given him 5-7 minutes to speak. It reminded me of a homily I had heard years ago...

Aaaaanyway, after the deans read about 800 names and the president forgot to tell us to move our tassels (he gave a great speech at the end, though), we all rushed to get our diplomas, say goodbye to our professors, and grab cookies on the quad. My own family called a cab to get back to our house before celebrating with my mom's side of the family. 

Of course, one of the first things my relatives asked me when I greeted them is "how does it feel to be a college graduate?" To be honest, I still don't know. Maybe I'll have an epiphany of some sort when I go to the staffing agency on Friday. 

I felt very content on graduation day--not overjoyed, but not down in the dumps. At my party with my dad's side (a week later), I told my relatives that I felt kind of sad, because the night before I had a meltdown in my bedroom as I realized there won't be a Fall semester to look forward to, and I hadn't gone on any trips like some people I knew, and I felt like life was suddenly aimless.

Because, dear reader, my life has always revolved around school. I oftentimes refer to past years of my life by what grade I was in at the time, not by what age I was (i.e. "when I was in 2nd grade" instead of "when I was 7"). I am so used to having semesters, and syllabi, and professors telling me what to do, and I'm used to being surrounded by people my own age on a campus (even as a commuter!). Now, I'm...home. Wherever shall I see people my own age again!? 

Since graduating, I have not gone to Paris, I have not road trip'd with a group of friends down to Florida, but I did have a pretty sweet party with some of my college friends (not putting pictures up, but someone threw a cup of instant coffee across the table--by accident, of course :) ). 

Being home, though, gives me a reason to retreat into my shell and do basically nothing. I've been sending out resumes here and there and I've been writing thank you cards and I've been enjoying my sleep. But I have rarely gone outside since graduation. I eat my breakfast in bed. I play Nancy Drew games on my laptop (currently playing Phantom of Venice, if anyone's interested). I put on pajama pants and flip-flops so I'm decent enough to step outside and grab the mail. I do some chores. And then I head back to my bedroom. I've spent so much time in my bedroom, I'm becoming unfamiliar with the rest of my house. 

And then at night, I cry about how worthless I feel. Either that, or I'll cry because I watched something on the news that reminded me of how the world is a cruel, scary, unsafe place and I have to risk my life by venturing out into it at some point. Emily Dickinson is becoming my role model. 

BUT the real irony here is that when I was in school, I complained about how there was "never any time to do anything." Now I have too much time to do nothing. I should be exercising! I should be reading books for fun! I should start that creative project, and cook that recipe, and get back in my car, and go visit places downtown! I should visit those friends I haven't talked to in months! I should call those relatives I never call! And, most importantly, I finally "have time" to read my Bible and pray more! So why haven't I done any of that?

Maybe it's because the weather hasn't exactly been summery. And I got my period, so yeah. The sad truth, though, is that I forget. Like, my short term memory sucks. There is a character flaw that goes with that: I'll only remember something if it's important to me. I'll only make something a priority if I feel it's a priority. This isn't good. 

(To any potential future employers reading this: This is not my attitude at work. You can ask my former supervisors, and they will tell you that I was always looking for more tasks to do. When I go to work, I'm there to work. Not play games. After all, I'm getting paid. There's an incentive.)

This entry is getting long, and I've already sufficiently bared my soul, so I'll leave you with this: I'm okay, and everything is going to be okay. I just need to get back to the formula I learned way back in my childhood Sunday school days: Work + Prayer = Success. The atheists reading this right now are probably scoffing (or if you weren't, now you are because I just said that), but trust me, this really does work. 

The one thing that I noticed during my teenage years was that I never felt a calling on my life. Or, to put it plainly, I didn't have goals or a dream job. 

Okay, let me backtrack. When I was a teenager, I originally wanted to be a high school English teacher. After my dad dissuaded me from pursuing that career path, I wanted to become a librarian. After my paternal relatives disapproved that idea, I was still resolved to become a librarian. Then the sophomore year of college happened, and I switched my major from English to Communication. I was going to become a journalist. 

Now that I've studied journalism, there is no way that I'm going to work for a newspaper. Even now as I search job listings, I cringe whenever I read "must be able to work under tight deadlines." But I'll freelance. In the meantime, I do have some dreams. I do want to write a book. I do want to write a screenplay, perhaps even direct my own short films, maybe long films...if I find any friends around who are willing to act in them *sigh*. (Everyone's gone. I'm not going to explain that here, but most of the other people you see in my Youtube videos ain't around no mo'.) And even if I don't get to direct per se, I love editing!

I am still seeking a job with health benefits in Midtown Manhattan. My preferable starting salary is around 42k a year, but that's pushing it. Most entry level post-grads start at, like, $15 an hour, to my understanding, but I have to pay for car insurance, gas, loans...of course, if I stick to not driving my car (I've been doing a pretty good job so far), then I don't have to worry about gas payments. And my insurance won't go up because I can't get into any accidents! There ya go. If you don't want to get bitten by a shark, don't go swimming in the ocean. You'll miss out on all the other aquatic life, but at least you don't risk dying. 

This is getting morbid. Alright, so, seriously, I'll leave with this: stay in school as long as you can! No, no, that's not right. Okay. There is a time and season for everything. My season for schooling has ended...and while I'm mourning that, I can still look forward to starting a new chapter in life and using my gifts and blah blah blah. I take back the "blah blah blah." Gifts are a serious thing. God gave you gifts, kiddo, so use them to glorify Him and bless those around you. I don't care if you practiced violin 18 hours a day since you were 5. God gave you the ear for music, therefore He gave you the gift. I can run all I want, but I ain't ever gonna be a trackstar! 

Pray for me. 

Love,

Nicole :) 

P.S. Thanks for reading!