It wasn't until this academic year--my junior year of college--that I started napping at school. If I'm really out of it and I'm starting to doze off in class, that's when I know I need a nap. I'll go to the Student Government lounge, flop onto a piece of furniture, and drift. I don't care who sees me. Today I learned that I can fall asleep in the library, too. Especially if I'm reading a book for class.
The funny thing is, I never napped when I was younger. In fact, I hated sleep. My mom would put me to bed at 8, and I would stay awake and play with my toys. My sister went to bed at 9, and since we shared a room back then, we would be up until 10 or even 11, sleepily telling jokes and singing "Kumbaya." (Yeah, we sang "Kumbaya." Rather dramatically, I might add).
Then, when I was 9 years old, I went through a phase of insomnia--I couldn't fall asleep. I would be up late at night crying because I wanted to sleep. I would even go the whole night laying awake with my eyes closed, then report to my mom the next morning that I "slept the entire night." (I didn't know what sleep was, apparently). Eventually, this phase ended. We went on a vacation to the Poconos that summer, and at night I slept pretty well, probably worn out from the day's activities. Whatever the problem was--too much energy, too much sugar maybe--it ended.
Over the years, my bed and I had a love-hate relationship. I wasn't so much an insomniac anymore, it's just that I didn't appreciate sleep. I didn't see what was so great about it. Once emotional problems crept in--depression, anger at either of my parents after they split, guilt, fear--I was starting to have trouble sleeping again. Thank God I was an energetic kid, otherwise I would have been super sluggish during the day. I kept having strange dreams, too, so I felt a little adamant about sleeping.
Once I started college, though, I gained a huge appreciation for sleep. As a commuter, I get up around 6 AM, and I don't go to bed at night until 11 or 12. During my sophomore year, I got ulcers, and the only time I felt pain free was when I was asleep. I remember waking up in the morning and thinking "I can't wait to go back to sleep tonight." Getting panic disorder expanded that desire to sleep. Sleep was my escape--and it's 100% legal and prescription-free.
Last Fall I began getting night terrors. They're not like nightmares--night terrors happen when you're about to fall completely asleep, and then you suddenly wake up gasping, bolting upright, a little disoriented. I once saw a video of a guy having a night terror and even though it looked simultaneously funny and scary, i said, "yep, that's me." Sometimes I got a few each night, and it got to the point where I was afraid of sleep again. I would abruptly awaken for the 4th time at 3 AM and think, "I just want to get some sleep already!" I still get night terrors occasionally. I think for me they're brought on by stress/anxiety and also by sugar :) i can't eat sweets late at night. I shouldn't be anyway.
Nowadays, I'm still a night owl, but I'm the kind of person who likes to be in bed by 10:30 or 11, even if I'm not going to sleep yet. I love my pillow, it's the best pillow in the world, I don't care if you think your pillow is better, haha. I am grateful to God that I can sleep more peacefully now.
Why am I saying all this? Because I can! No, but seriously, I know I'm not the only person who's had sleep problems before. Sometimes people feel like they're the only ones who deal with certain things, and one of the reasons I'm so open about myself (in general) is because I never know who I'll run into or who will read my blog and think to themselves, "Hey, I thought I was the only one." I think I'll always have an underlying fear that my vulnerability will come at a cost, and maybe it will, but ultimately I try not to care what others think, so long as I'm living rightly before God--and I ain't perfect, mind you.
Anyway, I hope everyone reading this has a good night's sleep tonight. If you work at night, have a good day's sleep.
-Nicole
RE: About night terrors
ReplyDeleteI believe that both my Mom and Dad were driven to alcoholism by them. I've had them for eons. Some of my best short stories were written from them.
Recently, a new Doc, old but new to me, gave me some advice and RXes for it. Specifically: (1) one small drop of Afrin in each nostril when you're in bed to open the sinuses. He says that poor air flow makes your body think it's suffocating and does all sorts of stuff to compensate. (2) He rxed a low dose of anti-depressant to raise the serotonin level in my brain; (3) He rxed a bp med to bring it down feeling that high bp triggers flight or fright.
Of course, YMMV. But I'd go doctor shopping until you find one that can solve it.
I just thought it was my "normal" for decades. But, I do miss the ideas for really scary short stories. :-) And, the effect of the bp med is make me go to the WC a few times a night, so I'm not sure I've improved my situation. But the "happy" pill makes me not give a {synonym for excrement}.
How this helps.
fjohn68